Lord, Can't You Just Make This Decision for Me?! I’m Worried I Won’t Get This Right

You know the saying that death and taxes are the only two things guaranteed in this life? I think we can safely add decision fatigue to that list too 😅

Even in high school, I remember questioning everything: which college to go to, which dorm to request, which major to choose. And that was just the beginning of adult decision-making. Fast forward to motherhood, and it feels like the decisions multiplied by 100.

Midwife or traditional doctor? Home birth, hospital birth, birth center? Breastfeed or bottle feed? And if bottle feeding… which bottle? And that’s all before they’re even born.

I’ve always struggled with this underlying question: How do I know I’m making the right decision? Or even harder, the best decision? And when the stakes feel high, especially when it comes to my child’s wellbeing, that pressure can feel overwhelming.

Sometimes it feels like I research, pray, learn, and do my very best to make a thoughtful decision, but when there are strong opinions in every direction, even the decisions I once felt confident about can suddenly feel shaky.

Lord, why can’t You just tell me what to do?!

A little while ago, my son got sick. I took care of him the way I usually do: detox baths, watching his fever closely, encouraging fluids, more detox baths, etc. After a few days, he started turning a corner and his fever improved. Then, a rash appeared and started spreading.

It wasn’t something I’d seen before, and even though he seemed okay otherwise, I decided it would be wise to get a doctor’s opinion, just to make sure everything was fine. I called the doctor’s office, and after a very brief conversation, they recommended that I take him to the emergency room. Not because it was an emergency, but because they were concerned it might be contagious and felt the ER would be best equipped.

After that phone call, a few things really stood out to me.

• First, I felt instant panic. My heart started racing, my fingers started shaking, and I went straight into research mode. I spiraled quickly, going down a rabbit hole of worst-case scenarios.

• Second, I felt kind of like I was on an island. Not because I lack wonderful support from my loved ones, but because when I want to consider a more natural, less invasive route, I often feel like I don’t have much support within the traditional medical system. I want to understand all the options, the pros and cons/risks of each one, and how I can best support my child’s body. I want knowledge, and help. But every question seemed to be met with the same vague, non-answer.

• Third, I started questioning everything. Decisions I had previously felt confident about suddenly felt like I had messed up. I became nervous, unsure, and very self-critical.

  
  

Fast forward a bit, my son is completely better now. I never ended up taking him to the emergency room (and of course I would have if he needed it), but we monitored him closely, and his rash improved day by day until it disappeared entirely. It honestly shocked me how quickly it resolved.

It’s been a couple of months since then, and I’ve spent time reflecting on that situation. It shook me more than I realized at the time. And I’ve found myself thinking about what I wish I could say to Brittany right after that phone call with the doctor, and maybe to the mom that also hears the many different opinions, wants to do what’s best, and worries about making the right decision. 

God Trusts You (Maybe More Than You Trust Yourself)

We put so much pressure on ourselves to make the right decisions. But the truth is, we can’t always make the right decision. Nobody can. Unless you’re Jesus 😉

If we knew all the answers and always chose perfectly, we wouldn’t need Him. And a God who values humility, free will, and relationship surely doesn’t want us to live independent of Him, relying solely on ourselves.

I also can’t imagine God giving us free will if every decision we made was destined to end in doom and gloom.

I ran into this bible verse in my devotion the other day, "Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!" Matthew 7:9-11

That’s not a God who wants the worst for us. He wants us to have hope and good expectations, not fear or doom.

He trusts us to do the best we can. He even trusts us with His children. Honestly, the list of people I’d trust with my child is very short 😅 Yet God entrusts us with the care of His most precious creation. That’s why He invites us to come to Him, not because we’ll get it right every time, but because He wants to walk with us through every decision. And even when we don’t know, or when we later realize we could (or maybe should) have chosen differently, He doesn’t leave.

When I can’t stop worrying about the choices I make, it kind of seems to rob me of enjoying the gift of free will that God gave us, and growing in my relationship with Him as decisions come and go.

We’re asked to lean on Him. I pray I grow in trusting myself after I’ve prayed. I pray I rely on God when I need help. And I pray I extend grace to myself and others when mistakes happen.

How Would You Treat Someone You Love?

This is something that's been on my mind, especially after reading the book "Unoffendable" (which I highly, highly recommend).

Let’s say you and a friend disagree on a meaningful topic. Maybe you choose a midwife, and your friend chooses a traditional OB-GYN. You both believe you’re making the safest, best decision, for your own reasons.

But at the end of the day, you both want the same thing: a healthy mom and a healthy baby.

If something went wrong, you wouldn’t say, “Well, it’s because you chose that.” No. You’d pray. You’d show up. You’d love them.

So why are we so much harsher on ourselves?

Trust that others can love and support you even if they don’t fully understand your decisions, just as you would for them. I am always pleasantly surprised when I do things outside of the norm and am always loved and cared for regardless. My sanity might just be questioned LOL. And for the people who can’t, you won’t change their hearts by shaming them or making them feel stupid. Be the example you’d want to receive.

Life Is an Adventure (Even When We Want Off the Ride)

So much of life is bittersweet. Seasons come and go. Babies don’t keep. Moments we want to bottle up turn into memories faster than we can blink.

Some days we want time to slow down. Other days, we can’t wait for the day to end.

Life is full of rides….ones we didn’t ask for, ones we don’t feel tall enough for, ones that make us laugh until our stomach hurts, and ones that leave us nauseous.

Even when we think we know what a ride will be like, we don’t really know until we’re on it.

What feels unbearably heavy today might feel small five years from now. Life can look completely different in a year, or even a month.

There are risks with every option, or ride that we get on. And there are often many more paths than the single one that our minds have made up is the path that "will" happen.

Here’s what I keep coming back to: nothing is guaranteed.

As a mom, I desperately want to do everything right. But that just isn’t possible. Since I'm a work in progress, I sometimes find my worth or value in the decisions I make and the successes I have, which is probably why I get so scared of “failing” or making the “wrong” choice.

But God is gently showing me a better way. A freer way.

My worth isn’t found in how many good decisions I make, and it isn’t lost when I make a bad one. My worth is secure because I’m a child of God. And so is yours.

So rest in that. I’m reminding myself as much as I’m telling you.

I think I’m meant to enjoy the ride as much as I can. Maybe not always enjoy it, but walk through it with peace. With the quiet, supernatural knowing that God is with me and in me.

He’s the best storyteller there is. And even when the enemy means something for harm, God uses it for good....Every. Single. Time. 

Rest in knowing that God trusts you. He’s with you whether you choose path A, B, C, or D. Your worth has already been paid for. And you are deeply, fully loved, right here, right now. He just wants to enjoy the adventure with you…just like you want to enjoy the adventure of this life with your child. 

One More Thing

You are not alone, even if it feels that way sometimes. One of the enemy's tactics is to make you feel isolated, but there are others out there who understand exactly what you’re going through.

I have a couple go-to resources. God is always the best resource, and I’m learning to go to Him first. And then, if you want more practical tips or insight from other moms who have been through similar things with their children, here are a few people/resources that helped me:

The Warrior Center 

Leslie Burris - You’re can’t listen to one of her podcasts and not leave with more peace!

Much love + I’m rooting for you!

<3 Brittany